Cooking show audition number…? I lost count….Maybe I should do a reality show

How do all these people get these ridiculous reality shows that show nothing, but……nope, they show nothing. Nothing I’m interested in viewing, but yet, there are millions of people who are interested. So maybe I need to stop doing what I’ve been doing and jump on the “Reality TV” bandwagon.

Frankly, if it was just me, my reality show would be really boring…Elizabeth wakes up a the ungodly hour of 3AM, eats some fruit (watermelon or cherries right now ’cause they’re in season) drinks organic instant coffee (Mount Hagen, which I developed a taste for while working as a private chef for Peter Koral of 7 Jeans) with organic milk and cinnamon, puts her hair in pigtails with multicolored hairbands to keep the hair from getting tangled, (see Rudy’s Gluten Free video for example), while listening to 94.7 the Wave and watching either The Golden Girls, ’cause I love Betty White, or I Love Lucy, ’cause, well, I just love Lucy. I love Lucy because I’ve been watching her my whole life. I Love Lucy is the only show to never go off the air. What is her secret? I can’t even get a show to go “on the air” and yet, like Lucy, I love to shop and I’m always trying to “get on the show.” I guess I need to up my antics and find a cohort like Ethel to help me each day.

I also love 94.7 because I love songs like All This Love, by El Debarge and Bobby Caldwell, What you won’t do for love. Plus I love the energy of the morning DJ’s, Pat & Kim, they work so well together and always tell wonderful news and personal stories. Because of them, I was able to approach Julia Roberts and tell her something about herself that she didn’t know; that there is a man in Mexico with 82 tatoos of her face on his body. She couldn’t believe it when I told her while standing in line at coffee. When she left she said “Have a good day” and I added “By the way, I’m a big fan. I love all of your movies” to which she replied, “Thank you, but please don’t get any tatoos of me.” We both laughed and laughed and… no, we both just laughed once. But I had just heard that story on 94.7 the morning before I saw Julia and I told myself that I would only talk to her if I had something unique to say. I even told her that I heard it on 94.7 The Wave. I guess I was plugging my favorite radio station.

Around 4:30 or 5, I put on my camel back hydration system, run to Gold’s Gym in  Venice and workout for about  45 minutes. Sometimes I see Harvey Levin there, from TMZ fame. Then I run home and sometimes extend my run past the Santa Monica Pier although lately I haven’t been running as far ’cause the bathrooms along the path have been locked even after 6:30 AM and it is not fun to run when you have to pee because you drank coffee and about 40 ounces of water from a camel back while working out.

After my workout, I take my hair out of my multicolored pony tail holders and I jump in the shower. Then I get dressed and drive down the coast (Pacific Coast Highway) to meet my boyfriend, Maurice Travis, for our morning coffee ritual at the Coffee Bean in the Palisades.

There is a group of men who always gather there. I’m usually the only female. Maurice, is typically outfitted in an interesting ensemble of Muay Thai shorts under colorful warm up pants, cargo pants or jeans . He wears Muay Thai shorts under everything, probably because he’s the only American to ever fight on the actual Muay Thai team. He is energetic and entertaining even before his morning cup of coffee, a large Red Eye, in case you ever want to buy him a cup of coffee. Maurice is just so fun to be around and although he blatantly google-eyes every pretty woman that walks by, he really only has eyes for me…and hands and lips… and the rest is x-rated so I can’t say but lets just say that we have a LOT of fun together!!

Maurice & I met while I was working as a private chef for Peter Koral in November/December 2007. I will never forget the feeling I had when he walked into the kitchen one night. Peter was out and I was cleaning up after dinner. I was thinking that although I liked the experience, I wished I was cooking for my own loved ones. Then…Maurice walked in. He was like no one I had ever seen before. He has these amazing, bright, ice blue eyes and this crazy blonde hair. He’s 6’3″, around 200 pounds and has a butt you can bounce a quarter off of. I never thought he would like me. On our first date I took him to a lingerie party. We had instant chemistry. But soon after we met, I broke my foot when I fell over one of Peter’s dogs in the kitchen. Maurice was going through some personal stuff so we stopped seeing each other. A few months later, frustrated with my life, I moved to Houston, Texas for a year. But I missed Santa Monica everyday. So I came back.

Maurice and I reunited last February, right around Valentine’s day, and my life has been a lot more fun ever since!!!!

I used to go to a day job after coffee but at the time of this article, I was writing off & on for Oxygen, a women’s fitness magazine and Clean Eating magazine. Needless to say, I have some free time for once in my life and I love it. Maurice bought me some golf clubs at a thrift store. We love thrift store shopping. He also got me a wet suit. So our new activities are going to be golfing and surfing. Since both activities are new to me, it will be more like, chip-n-putting, and laying on the surfboard trying not to freak out thinking about all the little creatures beneath me’ing….

But I’m really excited about my new life. If it weren’t for Maurice, my reality show would be… Elizabeth comes home from the gym, watches Frasier, stresses about why she doesn’t have a cooking show. Making random phone calls and sending out random emails to people that have shows and production companies that produce cooking shows and ending with Elizabeth sitting at her desk on her ergonomically designed chair, one hand under her chin, the other, fingers tapping on her desk, brows furrowed, creating worry lines, wait ingfor responses that never seem to arrive in my “in box.” Who wants to watch that?!!! Not me and that could have been my life, ugh!

Thanks to Maurice, I not only have new, more fun, yet productive hobbies, but I also get to meet interesting people each and everyday. Maurice knows everyone. We went to Taverna Tony’s, an amazing Greek restaurant in Malibu and as soon as we walked in, the owner, Tony, hugged Maurice and treated us like royalty. We even got better treatment than Vince Vaughn and his wife and new baby. Although Tony was chatting with Vince as we left.

I was gonna tell Vince that we met while filming The Wedding Crashers. (I’m in the scene were Vince & Owen arrive at the outdoor reception. I had long red hair like Isla Fisher. I’m also in the scene right after Vince sleeps with Isla on the beach). It was me, Vince and Owen Wilson on set one day. Owen kept asking me for a hug. Everyone on set said that he would probably talk to me because he had already made his rounds to most of the single women on set and I was one of them. But after the filming, which took place in Saint Michaels Maryland (I lived in Ocean City, MD, at the time) I was  moving to  San Francisco where I was supposed to co-host a cooking show with the chef who worked with famed cardiologist Dean Ornish.


So although Owen was a big star who wanted a hug from me, I kept saying “No.” And he kept saying, “It’s just a hug.” Vince was laughing at the whole scene and said it reminded him of a Joe Namath interview where Joe was drunk and kept trying to get a kiss from the female interviewer. Anyway, I stood my ground and never did give Owen a hug, but I did let him walk me to lunch the next day.

Vince was trying to remember the lyrics to “Save the best for last” by Vanessa Williams so I chimed in, I love to sing and he said I had a great voice.

So as Maurice and I were leaving Taverna Tony’s, we walked right by Vince’s table, said goodbye to Tony, but I didn’t say anything to Vince. That was far too long of a story to recount and not look like a dork or stalker or something.

OK, so the whole point here was to share the recipe that I did not get to completely spit out in my umteenth cooking show audition video. Here it is….finally…I love a good story, don’t you?

1 lb ground chicken breast meat

1/2 cup feta cheese

1 egg

1/4 tsp sea salt

1/4 tsp ground pepper

4 whole wheat pitas, cut off 1/3 of each pita and chop into crumbs. Reserve the rest of the pitas for the final product.

1/4 cup fresh mint leaves, minced (3/4 cup total mint leaves, see below)

4 cups romaine lettuce

1 large heirloom tomato

1/2 cup fresh mint leaves, minced

1/2 cup Greek yogurt

Beat egg in a large mixing bowl. Add chicken, feta, sea salt, pepper, pita crumbs and mint. Mix everything thorough with clean hands. Shape into small, about 2/3 cup portions. Place on a heated skillet sprayed with cooking spray. Cook on each side about 5 minutes until no longer pink inside.

While burgers cook, mix Greek yogurt and mint in a small bowl.

Serve two burgers inside each pita with 2 lettuce leaves, 2-3 slices of tomato & 2 Tbsp Greek yogurt sauce. Eat with 1 cup Greek slaw and enjoy feeling very full and satisfied!!

$3.50 per serving: 2 burger, 1 pita, 2 lettuce leaves, 3 slices tomato, 2 Tbsp Greek yogurt sauce

460 calories, 38g protein, 45g carbs, 7g fiber, 17g fat. 50% Daily Value for Zinc, Selenium, B12, Iron, Vitamin C, Niacin & Riboflavin. At least 30% for every other nutrient.

1/2 head cabbage, finely chopped

1 carrot, grated

1 cucumber, quartered and chopped into 1/8 inch slices

1/2 yellow onion, finely sliced into 1/2 inch pieces

8 grape tomatoes, chopped

8 kalamata olives, minced

1 cup fresh parsley, chopped

1/4 cup olive oil

1/4 cup apple cider vinegar

Juice of one lime (2 Tbsp)

1/2 tsp ground oregano

1 clove garlic, minced

Combine dressing in a small bowl and slaw ingredients in a large bowl. Toss slaw with dressing and serve with burgers or eat 1 cup servings of slaw as a filling midday snack!

$0.60 per serving, 1 cup: 80 calories, 2g protein, 6g carbs, 2g fiber, 6g fat, 50% DV vitamin C, 20% vitamin A.